A Human Mind

I want to acknowledge the fact that I want to push all the people away from me. This might be an understatement but what I mean is: not all of them, no. Just the others whom I mainly consider as mere acquaintances and whatnot. I must say, with hesitation, that I may have a bit of an anti social and introvert nature, believing that if I push them all away from me, they will cause me no harm and I cannot cause them any harm. Do not even try and start me with the no man is an island crap. I am aware that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone most of the time, seeing it as one of the factors that in the end transfuses the air and truth of independence.

I believe and the world holds further proof that I am not the only one, in this breathing lone planet, who is suffering from whatever it is that I am suffering right now. Vague as I may be, I don not want to hide my fault in this matter. The fault of having a limited vocabulary, which enables me to explain things, thoughts, and ideas without complete clarity and without confusing the human mind.   

Speaking of the human mind, it is one big complicated thing and thus, it must be handled with accuracy, preciseness, and will. Although these three methods might quite sound contradictory to the fact that "will" drives the mind to change so very often. Thus, this defeats the purpose of accuracy and preciseness but as my logic tells me, these three factors, which builds the human mind are also the very same factors that will break it.

Human emotion is confusing even more than the mind as it sounds. Emotion is a vital factor that drives the person to live and to act as long as the mind bids it and as long as it can handle the very soul of the emotion, no emotion will barricade the pleasures of human life. Feeling is important for it goes before thinking.

Going back, I am obliged to reason out my motive of pushing people away from me. It is not because I think of myself as someone superior and beyond them nor I am someone who is lowly down under them. I actually feel neutral with my own personal faults and prejudices but that's what makes me who I am and I feel equal to them without the need of comprehension.

I hate to say this but like what people say, love yourself so you can love the others around you as well and I guess that is what I am doing right now: experimenting my own self through emotional and intellectual methods, as well as scientifically. I know because of this some people may think of me as nothing but a fool, nothing but a stupid girl wasting her time. I am not sure how long I can keep up with this play of the human mind with the intention of hurting myself emotionally.

I do not want to get started with the psychological reasons of inflicting myself with pain for what I am doing is not even physical except only for depriving myself of sleep but I am doing this for my own good and out from my own accepted will. Everything has a reason that is why the human body is structured the way it is. The legs to walk, the hands to move, the chest to cover the basic property of allowing air to flow simultaneously in and out of your body, the heart to pump the fluid that fuels the very life and the head to shelter the main operational and monitoring office of a human individual.

There is a reason why the head sits above the heart. We, as rational beings, must think before we act even on an impulse so that we can maintain  being moral and reasonable. With this truth, I hold this as the very foundation of why I am doing so. I am taking the wheel to drive, taking the reins to show that I am the one who is in command, not somebody else and clearly not anything else.

I can think of a lot of things that can pain and hurt me emotionally and through the power of the human mind, I can allow the pain in without feeling anything except calmness and satisfaction, bliss and serenity. But then, that would defeat the purpose and definition of why pain exists at all. Not that it does not completely matter to me but this time, I will no longer yield to surrender in this battle even though I might plan to run away as a form of jesting directed to my own self.

Forgive me if I am not endowed with the gift of humor which, if I would try to do humor the people around me, it would just sound and end up in a very sarcastic form. Being sarcastic is one of the joys that I experience and hold and I must say that I am pretty good at it, learning from the novels that I have read and so on.  I cannot say that my Muse is not present at this very moment but she have left some of the things wherever she lives and those things, I daresay, holds some important matters that I may want to discuss and explain. I am glad or should I say pleased that I am not in the mood for bluntness and cuss words at this very moment. I do not want to make people think that I am an ignorant, foolish, and insensitive persons for in truth, I am very far from those attributes.

If I will dig deep down in this matter, I might get lost out of this reserved state that I am in now and I  ifam unleashed, trouble must thus be expected. Having and living a quiet life is a joy that I posses and no one with any amount of power can take it away from me. I need not to be driven by a certain being called God to know my very purpose in this planet. All I know is that I am someone who interacts with all that exists in this planetary sphere.

"GNOTHI SEAUTON"