Saawariya...
My beloved...
There is always so much to say but then words would always fade away. What lies beneath my surface is an unfathomable force that goes beyond my normal self. An act of deep enthusiasm over certain shallow issues that my head cannot comprehend. How is it that I act like a dumb person where in fact there's more to what I cannot actually understand?
...then you fade away. There were different signs that came in different colors and shapes. There were these signs that I posted out the ground under different concealers and I have given them the full authority to shape-shift. How is it possible that you knew them all one by one but then you denied what you have been feeling? How is it possible that you are aware of the reasons standing armed at the tip of your tongue as you face me with ire and disorientation? Your heart seems to bubble and my blood gushed out from where its source. After a minute, there were bruises and my bones were broken.
Seeing you was too much for me. What is the source of my being? I have a mind full of perplexity and turmoil that adds nothing to help me bring about the good that is hidden within me. The Harlequin wasn't dead at all. It was just inside me, lurking, waiting with deep fury and resentment to what I have been doing to myself for the past 4 years of my existence in this tiny spec of dust. Still I hold the very key that will take Her out of the hell hole that I hid from myself. There are risks and there are sacrifices. I wish not to speak on the grounds of amusing what could possibly happen.
Why don't you just figure it out, Saawariya?
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Priorities
What are my priorities? Are they really that important to me? How is it that I don't know how to make them feel that they are the most important people/things to me? I'm taking them for granted and that makes me less than a person that I am. What just happened to me is something that I have wanted but I'm afraid to say that it made me regret and feel bad about it. This is another clichéd issue as a matter of fact but then this is the first time that I have just yet encountered.
On the night of the rainy May 7 of 2011, I went out with my friend to have a few drinks and on that exact night, I just lost myself my "ardent" suitor.
It's not that I don't have feelings for him but it went out as if I took him for granted. He said I needed my friends and I don't need him because lately, I didn't feel like going out or being with him anymore. He was the price in exchange of having my high school friends back. So I beg to disagree that life, in some ways, is unfair.
And now, it just dawned on me and I feel so guilty and bad about it. I hope this soon will be over because I really feel sick thinking about this. Love is not always that easy especially when you're not prepared to make someone feel your love or you can't stand on your decision to award them as the person that you're willing to prioritize.
So, stop crying over spilled milk.
On the night of the rainy May 7 of 2011, I went out with my friend to have a few drinks and on that exact night, I just lost myself my "ardent" suitor.
It's not that I don't have feelings for him but it went out as if I took him for granted. He said I needed my friends and I don't need him because lately, I didn't feel like going out or being with him anymore. He was the price in exchange of having my high school friends back. So I beg to disagree that life, in some ways, is unfair.
And now, it just dawned on me and I feel so guilty and bad about it. I hope this soon will be over because I really feel sick thinking about this. Love is not always that easy especially when you're not prepared to make someone feel your love or you can't stand on your decision to award them as the person that you're willing to prioritize.
So, stop crying over spilled milk.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Nansensu
"You will always have a taste of what you have paid for... even if it's bitter."
A line from a song that I have improvised which I believe is true due to some "bitter" experiences that have trickled in my tongue. Oh how is it that the taste lasts for so long? How is it that you can remember how and what it feels like? Regret is not to be put in mind but your own responsible idea for buying what you've always been wanting for even though you are well aware of how it will turn out to be.
What am I rattling on about anyway? Expressionism is not always the theme for this matter. A little distortion could make it because I know, somehow, everything tastes differently at a different cost. I did not pay for sweetness in the form of money but I paid for it in the form tears. I bargained my own risk for an impulse which lasted only for a split second that I believe would taste good but then when I looked in the mirror, I saw a fine line of blood slowly coming out from the cut made by just a split second.
I may sound vague today and prolly leave everyone, including myself, in a state where you have that feeling that you've done this before yet you feel guilty all throughout your bitter and vain selfishness of what it is that you've paid the most that left you broke and desperate for a fresh new start. I hope I'm right.
"There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you have paid for."
--STOP.
A line from a song that I have improvised which I believe is true due to some "bitter" experiences that have trickled in my tongue. Oh how is it that the taste lasts for so long? How is it that you can remember how and what it feels like? Regret is not to be put in mind but your own responsible idea for buying what you've always been wanting for even though you are well aware of how it will turn out to be.
What am I rattling on about anyway? Expressionism is not always the theme for this matter. A little distortion could make it because I know, somehow, everything tastes differently at a different cost. I did not pay for sweetness in the form of money but I paid for it in the form tears. I bargained my own risk for an impulse which lasted only for a split second that I believe would taste good but then when I looked in the mirror, I saw a fine line of blood slowly coming out from the cut made by just a split second.
I may sound vague today and prolly leave everyone, including myself, in a state where you have that feeling that you've done this before yet you feel guilty all throughout your bitter and vain selfishness of what it is that you've paid the most that left you broke and desperate for a fresh new start. I hope I'm right.
"There's nothing wrong with just a taste of what you have paid for."
--STOP.
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