Sleeping Pills and Whatnot

The very first time I took it, alcohol and whatnot were already inside my system, filling my blood, my flesh, and my tummy. A lot of things, both good and bad, happened to me that night as well but what can I say? I was with my friends, my debate-mates. The night before, I was out with them as well and yes, we drank, we smoked, we had fun.

The very first time I took it, it was already early morn and I didn't even bother to follow my doctor's instruction. He told me to take it between 0800pm and 0900pm after or before a glass of warm milk. So, yes, I took it the wrong way. I was so stupid that I didn't even bother to check the details about the pill but all I know is that it's going to be my savior from that very moment on. I clearly didn't even know that you're not supposed to take one if your body is filled with alcohol, nicotine, and well, a bit of a certain drug which I clearly believe is very medicinal even though it is purely illegal here in the Philippines.

The following nights went out well, I was able to sleep but then I would eventually wake up at around 0100am to 0200 am and so, I went to my doctor and he increased the dosage which seemed to work but had its side effects. Dizziness, nausea, and headache would fill my body and for sure, if I take it any more longer, I'll become drug dependent and there's no way one could stop me from taking it. I was fine with it. The very reason that I decided to go to the doctor is because my insomnia and anxiety have barricaded and disrupted my education. I missed a lot of classes and my re-entry forms were all unexcused. So there was no other way that I can fix myself up but take the wonderful pill.

The pill was a bugger and an angel at the same time. Why a bugger? Because it stopped and shut down my mind. I can no longer think once I took it. I can no longer stay up and read once I took it. I can no longer stay out and smoke all throughout the dark night and do the things that I usually do. An angel it is for it can make me sleep when it is very hard to do so. I can take a break from thinking, from confusing my own self even more without realizing that it's already dawn.

The doctor only allowed me ten tablets of the pill and I had to deal with it. As the nights went on, the pills dissolved each day until one night, two pills were only left. On the night of the second to the last tablet, I was in a very bad mood. I was confused, I was depressed to my bones. That night I went out to my smoking area: the parking lot. I sat there, looking at the night sky above, looking at the trees and chilled by the cold December air. It started drizzling and I watched the rain as it decreased until eventually the sky stopped crying, which was across me with fascination from the only lamp post across me, illuminating the parking lot. Sad indie songs filled my ears from my playlist and I had no one to talk to, I had no company except for my cigarette sticks, which I named as Black.

It's not that I was complaining that night. I was just happy that I felt sad. It can make me think whatever the hell I want to think about. All my frustrations, all my hopes, and all the things that I wish would happen to me. I welcomed every single thought that would come speeding at the sound of light inside my head. I entertained them, feeling the pain seep right through my skin and lounged itself right through my heart and mind. I cared not for it but I was happy that I was depressed once again. Don't think of this the wrong way. Sometimes, it's healthy to be in anxiety. Sometimes, it's a good thing to be depressed once in a while on a blue moon. 

As I way saying, a lot of things were bombarding and filling my head. I immersed myself with the idea and came up with a lot of things that were far from reality. It was one of my guilty pleasures in life. I had an outburst which I had no way to vent it and decided to hit the sack. I went back to my room and took the pill with my laptop on. After a few moments, I started to feel its effect kicking in my system. I decided to fight it, thinking that I can. I started to get "high" and was in a desperation mode that I need the feel of taking one more 10mg tablet. I started to chat random people, which I found out that it was embarrassing for me the next day when I woke up. Anyway, as I was chatting these random people, I started asking them if it's okay to take one more pill. I'm sure they had no idea what I was talking about but that night, I didn't just care and as what I have mentioned a while ago, I was feeling so desperate was a little high.

One told me one pill is enough, so did the other but the one had no idea and wished he can take pills like that as well. I went to the loo, walking funny like a drunk person, and felt like everything was moving as if there was an earthquake or something. I found my bed and crashed. The next night, I took my very last pill but before that, I was so giddy and in the state of euphoria which is one of the side effects caused by the pill. I decided to let go and slammed my eyes shut and it took me away from reality.

My neurology doctor prescribed me another drug and learning from my previous mistake, I decided to take a look at what the drug was all about. It was not a sleeping pill which surprised me but it was a drug to prevent panic attacks and anxiety. I was confused and I started to think why my doctor prescribed me this new drug which he provided three notes for the pharmacy to keep it. There are certain drugs that you can't just buy over-the-counter. Then it hit me. I remembered telling him that I had a history with a shrink. I used to go to a shrink who prescribed me three drugs: anti-psychotic, anti-depressant, and a neutralizer. I told him about my over-thinking problems and habits so I guess that was the reason that made him conclude that the reason why I can't sleep is because I think to much. What can I do? I like thinking even though I would always end up feeling confused and all. Maybe my doctor did the right thing even if my mold told me otherwise.

On the first night of my new pill, I was quite hesitant to take it for doubts filled me. I'm not some kind of a psycho, I'm still normal. It's just that I'm independent, I think a lot and my views on certain things are far from the views of other people around me. My lifestyle and my persona is different as well. I'm not bragging about anything nor I won't say that I am so beyond other people. So I was in my bed, lights all out, air-conditioning humming, earphones stuck on my ears, and an eye-blind blocking my eyesight. At first, as the pill was starting to seep in, my mind went blank. I tried to think but then would I would end up thinking another then my mind was taking control over me, making me think funny things and other thoughts that I knew nothing of. Until I blacked out and well, before I knew it, I was asleep until my alarm clock woke me up with my head hammering like mad. But on the other side, the one of the best feelings that I have experienced is when the pill would start to work even though it made me feel very uncomfortable. It's like I'm in a state that words are not enough to express it. Like Nirvana or something. It was like I'm in a state of a transcendental trance of something.

Now, I'll probably just find a way to deal with this and get a life. I hate it when people would tell me what to do. I'm old enough to think and make decisions on my own no matter how good or bad they may be. I'm aware of the circumstances that I will soon have to face and I know what I'm doing: I am living my life.

I Am A Slave

I am a slave.
A slave, by my own choice, driven by my own free will.
I am a slave.
Neither white nor black, but brown skinned, body ripening in youth.
I am slave.
Not paid, not commanded what to do or where to go.
I am a slave.
And this fact, I embraced without a doubt, with welcoming arms and a smile on my face.

The only Master I know and serve, lies within me. I have pledged my loyalty and life to Her. I will serve Her until Death strikes me black. Who She is, what She is, is clear. She's my Emotion. 

She lurks inside me, flowing freely inside my body, residing in my bones, pumping me my blood. She is the Shadow that follows my every more, the Words that come out of my mouth, the Thoughts that formulate inside my head. She is my Master and forever will I be Her slave.

I know it should be the other way around and I should be the Master. It should be that I am driving the chariot, holding the rein that keeps them in line, them horses. I should be the one who is navigating what road to take, how fast to go but no, I yielded like a Knight who has no honor. I had to let go and now they're in control, going to places I have never thought of going, meeting other whom I knew nothing of. Lost in this big sea of strangers, I lived with the flow, respecting my one and true Master.

**

I have been living the life of a hypocrite and now, I shall acknowledge it as I have failed to do so long ago. I have allowed myself to be tied up in shackles and I bolted myself in a dark and small cell, enslaving my own self to which, I gave the full power of command and taking over to my emotions which has then I considered as my master. I know what I am doing is wrong, and I know that it is supposed to be the other way around, me holding up the rein, striding gallant on the chariot, driving the horses that each have represented each and every emotion that I know of but it seems to me that I have given up the rein, threw them away, discarded and lying abandonally on the dirt road miles and miles behind me. I have given up my position as the warrior, the lady, and the navigator, idling lazily on the now worn chariot letting the horses go gallop and trot to whichever place that they want to go, not minding if the pace was too slow or too quick for me to comprehend, this I will repeat until I get to my point of being the one who's driven by the horses. Like what they always say, emotions are wild horses.

My belief lies on the books that I have read. My view in life, my motto, and all those sentimental perspective on things. I borrowed them, agreed to them but never conceded. To be honest, I didn't understand them at all but I would just underline them all, ponder about it for a little while then more towards the rest of the book. Dim witted, not smart, a person that I am. Ignorant beyond no doubt and with a tongue bluntly sharp but cannot poke enough to make you bleed and feel pain like a needle. I am nothing but sorrow, nothing but pain and confusion.

Perhaps I may be over reacting, you who doesn't? Touche, I'll say and I will give the toast to all those who are like me, hypocrites, damn us all. They say every being is a unique individual, going through their puberty and saying things like, “don't compare me, I'm not like the others.”, “I'm a different person and I don't give a damn to what people say.”, “I know what I'm doing and I know the consequence that I will have to face soon.”, “I'm unique! No one will ever understand me. No one ever does!”, BLAH.

This is a hard thing for me to go through, writing this all down with honesty as my mind says otherwise. A facade, as you may, I have planned and made and I promised myself to remain on guard and not let people come near me but I, for instance, have defeated the purpose of the wearing of masks, facades, a Truthful Masquerade as you might put it, a play of irony and sarcasm and these are the only things I'm good at. Not to brag about it but think of me as an arrogant person, but I have to say that I am completely proud of it. Ego, yes. Pride, yes. Call me names if you wish, nothing can stop me, no one can stop me, you, of all people, cannot and won't be able to stop me.

Let's just say that people change, given as a universal law, the only thing that is constant is change. Even the world changes, the people within it, even its physical aspect. The whole universe is bound to change whether we like it or not. We have to accept the fact that change is everywhere, change is the air we breathe, change is what we eat that fuels our every single identity. I change, too and I believe I instigated a foundation of a new change within me. People always say that we change for the better, but I really doubt it this time with me. This change will do me no good yet I want to accept it with my whole heart. This is my own prerogative, my own choice for a change and I will do nothing to stop it, I will do anything to keep myself away from not changing.

The consequence that I will soon have to face might not be good. It will twist my mind and turn me even more bitter and indifferent but I just don't care anymore. I have been focusing too much in analyzing and logically comparing and drawing out examples through endless cliches from around the world but nonetheless, I like doing it though. I'm not exactly planning to change for the better, to reach out to be happy. I'm done with it already and I have given up. 

Playing The Ace

I suck at lying. Well, I used to be really really good at it but now, my face or eyes would always give me away, even my lips.

I don't want to be a liar, well, I kind of want to now and I want to learn the Art of Lying. I'm not sure if this will make any sense at all or if I will gain any logical benefit from this process but still, I want to know how to lie without people knowing it and this time, I will play my Ace.

For now, all I want to learn is how to manipulate my thoughts and emotions in order for me to build up a facade, a mask, that no one will even recognize even if it means and even if it will come to  point where people will say that I have changed. I guess all I could reply to them is a shrug and then, flawlessly, I'll be able to shrug it off inside me as well.

I know how to build walls around me but then, for someone as impulsive as me, I can easily knock all the bricks and boulders down. Like what people always say, burning brigades is too damn easy. It's just a matter of striking up the fire.

Now I may some completely illogical, senseless, and unreasonable, bu hey, this is my own life and I'm in charge on whatever it is that I want to do, right or wrong, as long as I know what I'm doing and I know the consequences that I will soon have to face. Now, I don't give a damn, and I don't care. I'm doing this for my own good.

Manipulation is what I am going to do, even if it means that I will have to take control and monitor my own free self. A hard facade is what I need and for starters, no matter how much pain I feel there is, I have to learn how to separate myself from the pain. It's like being a water and not flinching or reacting when mixed with poison. I have to immune myself to any form of emotion that people will inject to me.

I'm sick of being the real me. I'm sick of people knowing me for who I am. It didn't work and now, I'm going to play their game. I will pretend, even to my own self and see how it feels. This way, I can choose who I want to be with and not break down in front of them. They will then begin to see me in a different perspective, a person they have never met before. Scurry, they will, I don't give a damn. I know the people who will still choose to be with my, defend my side, and it's already enough for me. 

I wont go running around and say that I'm sad, depressed, I need someone to talk to, blah. I've had enough of it. I will no longer tolerate the sarcastic sadness in their faces, I do not need their pity, for god's sakes!

This time my eyes will no longer have the power that can give me away. At this very moment, I'm having doubts, I must admit but then I know that this needs to happen even if I should experience this the hard way.

I am a human being, capable of reasoning and capable of feeling. I am a human being, and I am capable of manipulating my own emotions.

The Fine Line Between Politics and Religion

Human interest is one of the many reasons why sanity is sustained. There are many factors that contributes towards man as an individual being to form his belief on certain things and his rationality. As time goes on, manhood struggles to find their very reason of existence in this breathing planet. They have found things and regarded them as their very own life motivator to continue their path in this world. But the only think that have bothered me so far is the illusions and the wrong notions that people have gathered from different experiences, reading materials, and documentaries. They were not enlightened, but then, they were clearly blinded.

Going back to history, during the Puritan era, people fueled thier life with religion and their strong belief in the existence of the higher being, called God, who made the planet Earth, and who made them, directing their life, capable of bringing forth life and drawing it out as well. But some people went beyond and got crazed, overly engrossed that they have confused their own selves fearing only evil, misfortune, and death. But because of that, one philosopher stated that religion is an opium for the mass.

Some learned men, thought that this cannot be. The human beings are the highest form of power available in this planet. They resorted them to politics and called it power over anything that is reasonable and rational. They discredited the existence of God and turned him into an idol, believing only what is available in their eyes and devised a plan to topple down all religious body and cult around the world saying that it is pure evil, but then, if that is what happened, it clearly means that evil exists and by that, does it also mean that if there is evil, then there is also God. Isn't this a bit ironic?

Philosophical and Theological people have devoted their life trying to learn the mystery that is God himself but then what happens if Yeshua the Son of God, the only one true Saviour, and the Messiah comes running with the Holy Spirit in the picture? This can also be contradicted, given all the messianic prophecies and figures available from ages ago.

That, I don't want to comment on. People are subjected to respect everyone's own religious belief and spiritual belief and even those we have our own grounds as an individual, put in mind that the other around us holds the same as well. Living in this modern age, there is now a thin line between Politics and Religion. Political figures are now fighter over titles to become the leader of the human race, capable of changes the course of humanity disrupted by natural phenomenons but during their campaigns, one can clearly see that they have wrapped up their own religious background and pushed it inside the figure to make the people love them and think that he or she is the perfect leader capable of changing the human race for the better, which means, of course, to make them rich...with money in any form.

These political figures who are fighting over power even dragged religion into their political plans and contextualized their campaign speeches so that people will melt and believe in them. They are using power in the wrong way. They planned different kinds of propaganda campaigns and staged everything as if the masses are only puppets, slaves who would whatever the government wants them to do. Manipulation of power and the trick of the tongue became a chess board fight within these "high" people of ranking, reeking with lies and dirty money. 

Many bloods have been shed, people burning and killing their own self, crying for freedom and equality, mounting on revolutions that these High People won't ever give them. The "Tatsulok" or inverted triangle mentality will always exist in this era, that people are divided between class and race. Does it really matter?

Everyone eats the same food, breathes the same kind of air, works the same job, but it's as if the lives of the people have now been altered due to the thirst of other people. They thirst for power, not knowledge, they thirst to manipulate, not spread the truth. Pride always gets in the way and egos are puffed into big black holes inside their brains.

Even the media is reeked with lies and full of biases, siding a certain political figure, hiding his bad side and making up stories of his goodness and his intelligence. Wit and knowledge level is measured through numbers, numbers that don't really mean a thing. Now people are trying to be one of the High Ones, working their asses off the wrong way, and in the end, what? They still die like any other living being in the world.

Is this a life worth living?

The Cynic and Fairy Tales

Cynical-
Adjective

1. Believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
2. Doubtful as to whether something will happen or is worthwhile. 

True as this accurate definition maybe, having Googled and witnessed by my own eyes, I am not satisfied by the vague definition that the search engine has given me.

Only one word made sense though: distrustful.

I can make it sound like this is about politics but then this isn't going to be a political analysis regarding the people's cynical perspective against the government's whereabouts. In fact, I think I'd rather dwell on a simple micro-level perspective of a human individual than do so but I must admit that this is rather quite tedious and well, very confusing and blunt. 

I'll summon up what's left inside this head of mine and try to adhere with the definition that I have picked above and fully wrap myself in it like a journalist, writing an article with over 400 bloody words out of a few given details.

Fairytales have ruined a lot of people's childhood. They made other girls daydream about things that do not actually exist. These girls would eventually end up thinking that they can become a princess, have a silly stick grasped in their right hand which they call a magic wand, a fairy, a mermaid, or any of those blasted fairytale folk available and spoon-fed to them by these creators of art and creativity spun nicely by the help of the human mind, when they grow up but sorry to cut the strings- this just won't happen or ever will.

Sure, I've been through my childhood, I've been engrossed with these fairytales and to some point, I was one of the girls, wishing that I can become a mermaid. I've read hard bounded books and collections about Cinderella, Snow White, Little Mermaid, The Princess and the Frog, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, etc., and different versions even!

What can I do? I was a little child then, and a girl, for god's sakes! Don't glare at me like you didn't go through your childhood fantasies as well. If you're a boy then you probably dreamt of becoming a knight or a prince defeating a large and ferocious fire breathing dragon and a knight in a shining armor, siting up on a large and gallant horse, saving and sweeping the love of your life off her feet.

I know that this is just like one of those cliche crap when you found out that Santa Claus is not real, that he's just your dad who made an excuse one Christmas night to dump the garbage outside but actually went to dress himself up as Santa Claus and trudged inside your house faking a merry "ho-ho-ho" but son, "ho" right now, actually means "whore".

The fairytales we know are twisted and revised to have a happy ending in the end of it but if you take a good look and spare some bit of your time to know the truth about an exact story, you might as well stare in shock, horror, or amusement that a happy ending never really did exist.Just like how Cinderella's evil stepsisters cut some flesh of their foot just so the glass slipper would fit them, like how Sleeping beauty was raped, and like how the Little Mermaid we knew became a bubble of nothingness and disappeared in the sea along with the waves.

I can think of a reasonable amount of cliche examples right now starting with novels, songs, and movies. Typical. But anyway, we don't always stay in our childhood. As time goes by, we experience change within and outside our body. The world itself also experience these changes, and we are one factor that have brought upon the change in this world.We then learn that there are a lot of good books beside the fairytales that have molded our childhood.

From fairytales, girls have finally leveled up and matched it with something that can satisfy them emotionally and maturity. They discovered the power and wondrous magic of romantic comedy, romance, and chic flicks. Yes, this is another cliche, but then, it never gets old.

People have diverted to modify and re-enact childhood fairytales into a cliche Hollywood romantic films and the results are even worse! The fairytale fantasies that have ran dry and remained stagnant as the adolescent stage took place was now re-awoken because of those infuriating and eye rolling chic flicks, (thank you, Katherine Heigl, for lying, thank you, Kristen Stewart, for being such a flirt, thank you, Julia Stiles for falling in love with a prince, etc., etc.) that have consumed and turned such intelligent girls into nit-wits and twats, working their way out to have a perfect face, spending money on make-ups and funny looking dresses, and completely ignoring all the good foods around them just so they can have the perfect hourglass shaped body, basing their life on movies and acting as if they're the lead characters. *Pukes.

And thanks to you, Taylor freaking Swift, for evoking tthe power of your crappy Romeo and Juliet song and those stupid shallow songs with irritating lyrics and your face is just so stiff! I know you have a reputation to uphold, but seriously, you're just adding up to the problem why girls right now are like zombies, making them feel a false feeling using the Doctrine of Ethos and stirring up to mess their heads to become so shallow. I mean, hey, your songs are love songs but I daresay that love is not just a simple thing that you can express in such a funny and shallow way, I mean look at the guys from Coldplay, from Snow Patrol, from Indie scenes. They have more sense than you have but why are you so famous than them? Is it because of your good looks? I don't think so. Maybe you brewed a perfume and enchanted the people with it? (Thank god, I wasn't affected.) Girls end up listening to your songs on hours and end, dancing and singing at the top of their lungs along with the beat but after a few hours, like perfume, it just vanishes, leaving them feeling more engrossed and, I don't know, maybe hopeless? 


Now, look at the world, everyone's like brainwashed already and now teens have resorted to some crappy vampire fantasies, (no offense, Stephanie Meyer, but really, it just sucks but how can I blame you? I mean, it would defeat the purpose of you being a writer and that's how you make your money, right?) making girls dream that someday, on a full moon , one dashing and mysterious looking man would appear inside their room, skin cold as ice, eyes burning shades of ember, and sparkling?!, and leave them with vampire marks on their necks. *Vomits!

Seriously, can things get anymore twisted?! I guess I'm just too cynical and very ignorant on this matter but then again, this is my opinion and I have to admit, with a heavy heart, that I have to accept and respect the likes of the people around me. I mean, I can't blame them for liking Harry Potter and making laughable fanfictions out of it, it's their own choice and it's what makes them happy or it even relaxes them as they daydream and think about what plot are they going to make to come up with the most amazing story, ever!

What grounds and reasons do I have to insult such people like those I have mentioned above? I guess none. I'm not even famous of something but I believe in the power of the human individuality, not afraid to voice out what I have inside my head even though I'll get criticized and hated. It just doesn't matter anymore. Everyone has hater, and I'm one of your haters, girls. Democracy it is!

I guess I have diverted away from what I have promised to write about but then, I'm me and I can't help it. I'm a cynic, who doesn't believe in such funny fairytales but I do believe that one day, my other half would take me and sweep me off my feet and we'll have our own twisted ending together. Someday...  and don't even make me start about soulmates. This might go on forever.

The Life I Live

The darkness is working its way to paint the canvas bright gray sky. Soon enough, dark will fall and the wind will howl with a little promise of rain that will cause the ground to emit an earthly smell that will remind the people in this industrialized age that the earth is to be heralded and nurtured.

Soon, the people in this side of the world will retire to their own respectable residences and rest along with the people around them while on the other side of the world, people will abandon their beds and go out of their quarters and allow the bright yellow sun to dance on their skin.

Now my heart is beating from the dazed state I'm in, perplexed and worried about what to do with my life at school. I seem to have missed a lot of classes and I know that it's half my fault and the other one is the fault of my bloody alarm clock that have seemed to stopped its duty to wake me up on ungodly hours.

I admit that I miss the old routine of my life that was full of bliss and purity, waking up before dawn to go over my meditation and chanting and doing it again before I go to sleep. I miss the food that I used to eat strictly without the tinge of blood or veins in it and therefore I have cleansed my body on such unwanted dirt made by human hands.

My physical body is out of tone now given the busy and lazy lifestyle that  have, depriving me of bliss and good flow of air and blood inside my human body. I miss the life where I would go on and read about the Vedic scriptures that have piqued my interest and brought me to the other side of the world, full of mystique possibilities that can happen in an individual's life but now I'm stagnant.

I'm stagnant like a sea of flood showered upon by the heavens to the land of the mortals with no path or tunnel to go. Stagnant, smelly, and dirty like a canal water that have remained, touched by impurities in a carved hollow earth. My vices are to be blamed, consisted of the heavy smoke billowed about by the crushed and dried tobaccos wrapped in a stick and the damned bottles containing alcohol that can make you do things that will make you regret after consuming it.

I know this is purely typical in the world of mortals, indifferent and ignorant about the life that they're in, shadowed and veiled by confusion. People work their asses off, making money and wasting it. Is that the whole reason of their existence in this world? I hope not. 

How about those damned religious fanatics who remained on grounds and ignorant as well at what they believe in? Living life like a martyr and following the foots steps of a man they have never seen? They are too crowded and locked in their own little heads, believing that religion can save them but alas not, I daresay, that it is their own and very faith that will push them up above to Nirvana, or the Pearly Gates, or whatever you may call the place of pure happiness and contentment.

I don't want to go on and talk about life since I'm just starting my journey. I am young, just slightly contented and wary about the world, not knowing  what kind of life I would lead on after a few years that will some to pass by in a blink of an eye.

People are subjective to change and so, there is no consistency and assurance. If things for me will change in the future, then so be it.

Journal 1

My life consisted of constant reading, heavy smoking, coffee inducement, and of course, writing until my fingers and hand would ache but then, I don't mind.

I am a Sophomore college student in a conservative and strict Catholic University as I have been on my past years of education. What's funny is that given the fact that I'm not very religious and I do not comply to the observances and daily routines of a Catholic person, yet here I am, educated in a Catholic institutions with obligatory Catholic subjects that I have to go through every single year.

Anyway, I know I have my own individual rights to voice out my own opinion about religion but this is not the right time to do it and I'm not in the right position and grounds to say anything against the Catholic and its people.

Right now I don't really know where this writing will take me. My Muse didn't arrive even though I was pumped up since hours ago to write. I've been waiting for her since like forever with my Black buddy, emitting smoke from its white and slender body. Anyway, I'm done with my guilty pleasure. Yeay! Although I just finished reading one, I can say that I'm not addicted to it any longer. Unlike before that I would like, stop everything and read until my eyes would burn and itch, not caring if I stayed up until dawn or something.

I have to say that I'm a nocturnal being. Given that I love the moon, the night sky, and the stars, I cannot just stop myself from doing nothing and go directly to sleep. I mean, I used to love sleeping more than anything else and right now I still do but damn, staying up late at night is taking it's toll on me and my education has to suffer!

I've been skipping my morning classes since that start of the second semester just to sleep in until noon or even until the dark is about to bite! I feel like an agent at a call center doing the graveyard shift! The reason why I stay up at night is because I want to get my body used to being up at night to study and make sure that the lessons at classes are stuck inside my head but sadly, I entertained a lot of distractions and they are keeping me away from opening my notes from school.

What the heck, I mean, I'm not the only one who's doing this, right? I guess there are a lot of people who are like me and it just so happen that I don't really know them. They might be miles away from me or they might be stuck in another country.

Anyway, I do have to go to sleep. Class at 0800 am tomorrow. Phew. I wish tomorrow, I mean, today is a Saturday so I could just sleep in without having time hot on my heels.