The Dean

We were alone for a while in your office.

You asked me, no. You demanded me, in a nice way, that I should write I letter of promise to you and I obliged. So there I was, sitting on a chair and writing the letter on a clean sheet of bond paper on your desk.

You, on the other hand, was facing your computing, typing away a thesis as you once in a while look at the bounded thesis propped open on the table beside you.

Silence emanated. My heart was thumping as your fingers pounded on the keyboard. It was an awkward moment. Well, for me it was.

I really forgot who broke the silence but my instincts right now are telling me that I was the one who spoke first.

You see, I really felt nervous that time. Okay, I admit that I was already nervous before that.

Right after class, I went to my favorite legit coffee shop called Madge which is located inside the La Paz market. I had my usual glass of iced coffee and I was reading the Time magazine and a novel titled Emma simultaneously.

Between 0500pm to 0530pm, I received an SMS from Eddyl. He asked me where I was and so I replied to him. After a couple of seconds, he replied and told me that I should go to Brew that very moment because you're looking for me.

Perplexity showered me that very moment so I jumped out of my chair, grabbed my things and went to the counter to pay and I made my way out of the market. It was drizzling that time and the jeepneys as well as the private vehicles are moving so slow.

I took a La Paz jeep, hoping for the little traffic jam to subside. I was unloaded at the loading and unloading area and I found myself brisk walking towards Brew.

When I was still inside the jeepney, a battle was going on inside my head.

"Why do you want to see me?"
"Probably it's about my grades and poor performance at school."
"No, probably it's about my tremendous amount of skipping classes."
"Still, what is it about?"

Or worse yet:

"Did I win an award or something?"
"Am I invited to a very important seminar or something?"
"Am I gonna represent the school for something"

Foolish of me.
My head was thumping hard and I really really felt nervous, I feel like choking.

Anyway, I arrived at Brew and quickly found Eddyl, Therese, and L.A aka Mangyan.
I asked Eddyl why did you call for me and he said that you wanted to talk to me about something at around 0645pm.

Oh shoot.

A stampede inside my head occurred again and one thought popped out:

"Did you found out about my family problem?"
"The transferring of school?"
"The QUITTING of school?"

Yadda. Yadda.

So, since 0645pm was still ages away, I decided to eat so I ordered.

I opened the novel and started to read but I slammed it shut. I just couldn't read!

I took the Time magazine out from my white folder and started to read, I just can't!

I talked to Eddyl. Laughed.

I blabbered to Therese. I shut up.

Food came and my god! I ate like a hungry fool while reading the Time magazine.

So the time came and I walked with Eddyl and L.A to school under the cloak of darkness.
I am a fast walker but this time, I was walking slow behind the two of them and I have to say that I had to put out a big effort just for me to walk slow. It's so hard and energy draining. No wonder models walk fast.

We arrived at St. Joseph building and climbed up the stairs to your office. The Mangyan came in first and Eddyl had to make a leak. After leaking, he went in. He closed the door.

I was left outside. It was my choice. I leaned my side on the wall next to your door, battling when to come in.

Screw it!

I went in and I felt really really awkward that I kept my mouth shut most of the time. Then the boys left and it was just the two of us.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

So, as I was saying, we talked for a while then we stopped.

Awkward.

Then, I decided to tell you something about me.

Now, I know that you saw the SUDDEN change in my face, right?
You saw the weight that I was carrying, not unless you're insensitive but then I know for a fact that you're not. You're actually good at "reading" people, being into Theater and such.

You see, I had no one to talk to. Yeap. No one. It isn't indifference nor introvert-ism but it was my prerogative not to tell anyone about it. I can't seem to find the RIGHT person to talk to and I just can't find the right words to say.

But then, there I was, sitting in your blue green chair, talking to you, while trying to push down the walls I have inside my heart and barriers around the portion where my spoiled emotions settle.

So what I did was, I called my horse inside my stable and let it drive my chariot of  "Screw it. You're not a robot, Jazmin so stop denying that you are hurt, alone, and well, Merlins knows what."

It wasn't easy. Nope it wasn't but I feel the need to talk to you about it.
So, I started talking and just as I was in the verge of softening--

BAM!

The boys arrived!

YAY!

 ~bottomline: bad news never had good timing.